2012 New Years Resolutions for Every Unpaid Comedian On Earth

1. Post More / Post Less / Be Funnier on Twitter

2.  Stop doing that stand up show in the back of the BBQ restaurant / dude’s garage / Laugh Factory that always makes you feel like garbage

3.  Learn how to act, audition, get rich

4.  Stop drinking before shows, slow down drinking during shows, continue drinking after shows

5.  Stop saying “So what else is going on?” on stage

6.  Update your website to make yourself sound more successful than you are

7.  Finish that pilot script and get it to that guy you know that knows that guy in the mailroom at that production company (first: find free screenwriting software)

8.  Buy furniture like a goddamn human being

9.  Talk to friends who are getting paid and ask them to ‘hook a brother up’

10.  Sort out life.

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